


Just Doing My Job

by shinesurge



Category: Kidd Commander (Webcomic)
Genre: Blood and Gore, Canon Queer Relationship, F/F, Gen, Medical Squick, just in case, sort of background phin/agatha
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-29
Updated: 2019-10-29
Packaged: 2021-01-08 03:40:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,035
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21229178
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shinesurge/pseuds/shinesurge
Summary: Agatha's not used to humankinds that get back up.





	Just Doing My Job

**Author's Note:**

> There's a lot of blood in this one so please mind the tags! Sometimes you just gotta make pincushions out of your characters u know. Also Agatha gets a bit maudlin, it's mostly played for a laugh but take care if that sort of thing bums you out.

The first time Agatha sees Phineas go down and stay down isn't over anything important. It isn't even a _person,_ not a tyrant or a patron saint, just a huge composite mass of stone and bones that had been hiding in the cave by the lake they'd docked at. Phineas had wanted to go swimming, so they'd landed, and gone fucking swimming, and had a nice fucking picnic supper in an idyllic goddamned waterfront pasture, and then this _thing_ had scraped out of the hillside and beelined for Lucky Noon. 

The whole situation is stupid as hell because Noon can make a barrier against intruders, at least long enough to bug out, but Phineas had seen Something Targeting Her Ship and her commander's instincts or whatever had flared up, Agatha guessed, because she'd decided the thing to do was fling herself at it.

Ulrich's shout doesn't stop her, and Agatha isn't fast enough, and Phineas gets in one good hit that shatters a rotting femur before an enormous skeletal vertebrae punctures the outside of her hip from behind, another bony protrusion sliding neatly between her lower ribs to skewer out the front of her shirt. The chunks of flesh and meat Agatha had seen clinging to the bone before it hooked through Phineas are gone now, the shaft suddenly smooth and shining red with fresh blood. 

Phineas doesn't scream so much as wheeze, the impact startling a wet exclamation that's made too weak by the fucking _bone in her chest,_ and again Agatha is too slow to reach her as Phineas slips from it to the grass like food from a fork. She congeals limply into an unsettling heap and she doesn't move. The creature has no face, makes no vocalization and immediately loses interest when Phineas doesn't get up again. It doesn't even try for the ship a second time, whatever impulse had drawn it before apparently passed.

Agatha is livid at the _pointlessness_ of the thing, at her own uselessness, her vision tunnels as her synthetic adrenaline kicks in. She rushes right by Phineas' bleeding body and grabs the biggest stone at the base of the pile, her silicon brain coldly calculating how best to pick the fucker up, and in a clean motion she sends it sailing out over the lake. It still makes no sound, smaller pieces breaking off from the velocity and shattering the glassy surface of the water before it skips once and smashes apart. The pieces sink without fanfare, disappearing quickly in the scummy water.

Agatha watches, waits to see if it will resurface, so unbearably angry that the stress causes a temperature dialog to flicker in her left eye. She can hear Ulrich speaking softly behind her, and then a gutteral cough that would have turned her stomach if she did that sort of thing snaps her out of her fugue. Her cooling systems finally switch on as she turns, steeling herself to watch her friend bleed to death.

Ulrich sits back on his heels and sighs, adjusts his glasses, looking over Phineas with a resigned (bored??) expression that makes Agatha's rage shiver in her chest a little. She'd feel guilty about it if there was any room but Phineas' entire right side is soaked with blood, it's all over the grass, there's bits of plant debris sticking to her skin and every time she breathes her chest is making these awful sucking sounds,

"Can you get-" He'd started talking before turning to face her, and for some reason Ulrich stops short when he catches Agatha's eye. His expression softens. "It's alright. Pick her up, we need to get her to the ship." 

Agatha thuds to one knee on Phineas' other side and sees steam rising from her own joints, ribboning from the rips in her jeans. 

"Is it okay to move her." she drones. Like it makes a difference now. Phineas cracks her eyes and doesn't so much grin as she shows off red stained teeth, takes in a breath to speak but chokes up more ichor instead, the pressure forcing the wounds to well up. Numbly Agatha considers the futility of getting close with organics.

"Quiet, idiot." Ulrich says, possibly a fraction more gently than he normally would. His grim expression is exacerbated somehow by the yellow pineapple-patterned shirt he'd chosen for today. This is such a stupid ending, after all that effort and heartache. No one's even dressed for it. Phineas gives up trying to talk and holds a pathetic thumbs-up in Agatha's general direction.

"Agatha," Ulrich says again. He stands up, trying to spur her to move; a shimmer of that silver had crept into his voice but it's not enough to cut through her malaise. Agatha is still staring at her ruined commander, realizes with a jolt that tiny insects are leaping up to crawl over Phineas now, jostled from their homes and attracted by the wet and warm of her guts. That's plenty to get her in motion, and she only elicits weak complaints when she scoops Phineas into a bridal carry. She chooses to believe it's because she's doing a good job, not because Phineas is too drained to complain like she would normally.

Agatha passively clocks Phineas' vitals and is alarmed to find her heartbeat is _way_ too slow, her labored breathing is even slower. She also isn't as...Agatha actually isn't as bloody as she had been expecting to get. There had been a lot pooled under Phineas, but she doesn't seem to be _losing_ much at all anymore. As soon as they reach the edge of Noon's perimeter the space shifts nauseatingly around them and they find themselves in a sick bay Agatha can't remember seeing before. When Ulrich wheezes next to her the weird buzzing she's been hearing on her left stops and she realizes he's been talking again. She has to get better about drifting off like that. She wonders what will become of their little crew now, will they stay together? Could Lucky Noon even sail without Phineas's soul to guide it? 

Ulrich has that petulant look he gets when he's about to shout some whiny bullshit at Noon for fucking with him, but Phineas groans and the moment passes.

"Set 'er here." Noon gestures towards a padded table, not quite an examination table but something like it. They're pale and white-haired and perched on top of a cabinet, curled up and balancing on the balls of their feet like a gargoyle. They're in a fluffy sequined bathrobe and slippers, like they've been asleep, and very suddenly Agatha wants to scream.

"What the hell is wrong with you two?" she snaps. Phineas weakly drapes her hand over Agatha's where it's wrapped around her middle and that just makes it worse.

"Put me- down," she rasps. A spark of green arcs over Phineas' wound, brief and buzzing in Agatha's teeth. Phineas opens her eyes a bit more, and they look clearer. She smiles. "it's fine, i ain't- ain't so fragile."

"Yes you are!" Agatha is surprised by the urge to shake her. Noon huffs and tilts their head towards the bed.

"Put her down before you get all worked up." they say. Agatha can see her own angry reflection in their stupid plastic glasses and viciously tries to cram herself back in the box. She sets Phineas down as gently as she can. When she stands Ulrich grimmaces at the blood smeared all down her front.

"Eugh, that's going to stain." He muses. At the exact second Agatha realizes she needs to hit something _right now_ an extremely convenient concrete barrier materializes behind her and she slams her fist through it, spraying grit and dust across the room. She feels the skin over her knuckles split. 

Ulrich, straightening from his flinch, seems to have found all his hard edges again.

"Feel better?" he deadpans. Agatha whirls on him and is dimly grateful he doesn't cower away from her.

"No!" she bellows. "_Why_ are you two so _calm!_" she gestures aggressively at Phineas, who is struggling to sit up, and her fury redirects itself. "What the fuck!! Stay still!!" 

"Agatha relax." Noon says. Their skin has changed, it's run through with strains of marble and a fog cloud has formed around their shoulders. A faceless puppy the size of Agatha's boot wanders into view from behind a box of rubber gloves and sits on the edge of the cabinet next to Noon. Agatha flings her arm in the general direction of Phineas, who has managed to prop herself up against the wall.

"LOOK at this! She's DYING!!" 

"She isn't, though." Noon says softly. From the top of the cabinet they're at eye level with each other. Noon doesn't say anything else, but Agatha feels their spirit reach out through that weak new pathway between each other they've been slowly paving. Noon's light folds over her own and it's like a pressure valve's been released somewhere, like they're taking her hand and patiently tracing her finger over the correct neural pathways until it sticks. Noon's complete lack of concern is a reassurance; it's not apathy, there is simply nothing to be concerned with. Ah. Noon smiles a little bit.

Agatha turns back to see Ulrich had gone to get a first aid kit and is applying antiseptic to a small pad of gauze. Phineas has her hand pressed over the hole in her chest and looks alert. She smiles, weakly, but significantly more recognizably than the previous attempt.

"s'fine," she says thickly, scrunching up her eyes and coughing with her mouth closed. The pressure splatters residual blood from her nose, she sniffs and drags one hand clumsily across her face. Ulrich baps her forehead lightly with the back of his hand, not looking up from the medical supplies. 

"Stop talking, it's gross." he mumbles. He cuts off Agatha before she can get out her next retort to this latest sin.

"Agatha this happens _constantly_." he says. "She gets hurt nearly every time we land." He narrows his eyes at Phineas. "Sometimes we don't even _need_ to land. She is ambitious." Phineas' giggle is raspy.

"Yeah this isn't even the worst thing that's happened." Noon chirps. 

"You can't just-" Agatha tries to collect herself; now that her rage has slipped through her fingers she doesn't know what to make of this. "You can't just get _stabbed_ through the _chest_ and be okay! You have..._organs!_ In there!" she flounders helplessly for her indignance. 

"This one can." Noon states. They nod towards Ulrich. "_That_ one, we'd have a problem." Ulrich is flushing out the wound near Phineas' hip and the two of them look like they might start bickering again.

"Which is why _I _do not run toward sharp things." Ulrich quips. Phineas grumbles but doesn't bother to respond, sweating and grimacing at Ulrich digging under her skin to clear out the grit. Agatha knows she can command the edge off of whatever Ulrich's doing but it still looks terribly unpleasant for both of them. When Ulrich pulls back for more gauze Phineas hisses a held breath through her teeth, then lets her head fall back against the wall. She tilts her face towards Agatha and smiles apologetically.

"Commanders're tough, I bounce back pretty fast. I was okay after _we_ fought, wasn't I?" 

Agatha still can't recall all the details from that particular activity, but Phineas had come away from it remarkably well off compared to her usual opponents, in that she is still here to have this conversation. Phineas logic is clanging uncomfortably with regular logic in her processors, but it checks out regardless and Agatha finally feels herself relax. Phineas' grin gentles to something affectionate that does things to Agatha's chest. She draws her arms around herself.

"Don't worry so much, lady." Phineas says.

"...I am a bodyguard." Agatha offers lamely, shrinking inward. Phineas nods.

"It's good! You're doing such a good job." She's going to say more but Ulrich pours more disinfectant over her and she yelps instead. 

"Oh you're _fine."_ Ulrich snaps. Agatha watches for a moment, her thoughts percolating around a new feeling. She catches Phineas' eye again. 

"You're _such_ a dumbass," Agatha says.


End file.
